Great tool for teams

I’m a big fan of appreciative inquiry because it’s all about accentuating the positive, as the old song says.  When we start by looking at what’s working well, what’s good, and then dream about how we want things to be, what we could create, we take out the fear and threat and resistance that can be there when we focus on “problems”.  AI can be the framework for a coaching conversation, a supervision conversation, an away day planning session, or a team building meeting.  You can use postits and props, big flip charts and coloured markers,  have people working in pairs or small groups. It’s a dynamic process that ends with a clear action plan, and so it’s easier to engage people and keep them engaged.

Appreciative Inquiry modelThere’s loads online for you to discover, so go exploring, accentuate the positive, and enjoy!

 

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13 tips for working brilliantly with people

Space to Think is a new project for women running small to medium sized charities or social enterprises.  Here are 13 tips distilled from the wisdom of the current group.  They were so good, we just had to share them:

  1. Use the probationary period
  2. Recruit for attitude – it’s easier to train people in any skills they may lack
  3. Don’t be limited by your budget: you can bring almost any skill in through volunteers
  4. Every day is an opportunity to find out something amazing about the people in your organisation
  5. Sometimes the answer or solution to your quandary comes from someone unexpected
  6. Find out what resources and investment are needed to bring out the best in each individual on your team
  7. ACAS is there for you and is free and accessible
  8. Clarify your communication and be clear in getting your message across
  9. Recognise the whole person
  10. Tell people what they’re brilliant at
  11. Don’t delay telling people what they need to know
  12. Be compassionate in everything you do
  13. Leave your own emotions aside when dealing with difficult issues.

For more information about Space to Think, contact annie@beanstalkconsulting.co.uk.

 

Space to Think – Women Leaders of Smaller Voluntary Organisations

Nourishing space for women running small to medium voluntary organisations

Starting February 27th – join up now!

How might things be different for you in 9 months’ time if you have regular support in an environment where everyone has particular skills and expertise that they share, and where there’s space and time to think, reflect, gather strength? 

This is probably the most difficult and challenging period in modern times for small to medium charities and social enterprises, especially those working with vulnerable people.  You are working long hours, multi-tasking, keeping your boards and management committees up to speed, and trying to keep your staff team healthy and buoyant.  But who’s looking after you?  And where do you find the space to think, reflect, share with others in a similar position?

I have created this monthly group with you and your needs in mind.  Working in a group of up to 6 women, initially for 6 months, we will focus on:

our challenges our gifts
our issues our shining futures

Each session will have time and space for members to work on individual issues, as well as focusing on a specific theme.  We may bring in guest speakers.  I suggest the themes below, and more may emerge as we work together:

*money – raising it and managing it *meetings – making them work for you *people
*politics *time *taking care

I am mindful that your organisational budgets are severely stretched, and one of the first things to go is usually paying for your own support.  Running the group from my home in South London will keep the costs down, and I can throw in lunch and a taxi service to and from the station.  The cost for this pilot introductory programme of 6 sessions, each of 3 hours, will be £175.

I’m a qualified executive coach and member of the European Mentoring and Coaching Council.  I have been running a successful coaching practice, working with charity CEOs and senior managers since 2010.  I’m also CEO of Share Community and have worked as a senior manager in the voluntary sector since 1996.

We’re starting in February, and places are filling fast, so if you’re interested in finding out more, please e-mail me straight away at annie@beanstalkconsulting.co.uk .

Most sessions will be on Fridays, with the occasional Wednesday or Thursday.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

With very best wishes,

Annie

Keeping the faith

Yesterday I went to one of those events where you get to hear about a rare new pot of money, some of which may trickle down to small voluntary organisations in order that they may make a difference to increasingly desperate people’s lives.  That’s after the big guys have creamed off all their profits….but let’s not go there.  I met up with a colleague who runs a small mental health charity that does extraordinary things and promotes creativity, positivity, and healthy lifestyle to people who are struggling with their mental health.

“I’m losing staff,” said my colleague.  “They can’t cope with the number of people who are dying.  Four of our service users committed suicide over the past few months, and we learnt of another three who died through self-neglect.”

Just hold that thought: we live in one of the wealthiest countries in the world, and yet vulnerable people, all of whom have had contact with our mental health systems, are dying because they’re not feeding themselves and nobody’s checking to see if they’re alive or dead.  What does that say about the degree to which we invest in caring – or not caring – for those who are struggling the most in our communities?

The mental health charity, MIND, received 50% more calls to its helpline in 2012/13 than in the previous year.  People are facing more complex problems, and many are being triggered by financial crises and unemployment.  The Office for National Statistics reports that suicide rates rose significantly in 2011, from 11.1 deaths per 100,000 to 11.8.  Meanwhile, the number of mental health inpatient beds has been slashed, according to a BBC News and Community Care magazine report, the findings of which were broadcast on 16th October.  A Freedom of Information question revealed that at least 1,711 beds had been closed since April 2011, including 277 between April and August 2013.  This equates to a 9% reduction in acute care provision.  At the same time, local authority spending cuts are having a massive impact on community services.  In the borough where I work, all mental health day centres have been closed; most community support work is carried out in public spaces such as coffee shops (all the more profit to Starbucks, Costa, et al), and people’s access to support is time-limited.  They can, of course, apply for personal care budgets, but the pot is diminishing, fewer people are eligible, and at my organisation we’ve seen a dramatic decrease in those being funded for placements with us.  That means that more people are lonely and scared and don’t have anywhere to go.  And then there are our colleagues on the front line of advice and support organisations, and those working with elderly people who don’t know whether to stay warm or eat….These are some of the big political issues of our time, and there are many ways in which we might attempt to tackle them.  But in the meantime, community and voluntary organisations are on the front line.  Not only do we have the increasingly challenging task of advocating for, supporting, and enabling our clients, but we also have to try to stay alive in the face of budget cuts and dwindling resources.

So how do we make sure that those of us running services stay healthy, and maintain the spirit and energy to do an increasingly demanding job – keeping our staff and volunteers buoyant; creating new ideas that someone may want to fund; writing bid after bid to bring in the money?  I asked my colleague.  “I go away,” she said.  “I get as far away as I can, preferably somewhere where I don’t speak the language and where my phone won’t work.”  My coaching clients invest in time to think and vent and explore the complex issues with which they’re bombarded in the office.  Here are some other things that may help:

  1. Find a mentor/external supervisor who works some distance from where you work: use the journey to have some quiet thinking and reflection time, both there and back.
  2. Group supervision is a helpful way of sharing resources, approaches, and solutions, and I think is particularly important for organisations working in mental health.  Find someone you trust, and who knows about mental health, to facilitate.
  3. Be transparent: as far as possible keep your team in the loop with what the problem is, what you’re doing about it, and how they can help.
  4. Give people opportunities to create solutions.  That way they’ll feel that they have some power and influence in the situation.
  5. Take care of yourself: enroll in a yoga or qi gong class; learn some mindfulness techniques and incorporate meditation into your life; get plenty of aerobic exercise (I feel better on the days when I cycle to work); get plenty of daylight, and if your work space is dark, invest in a daylight lamp; eat healthy, natural foods; cut down on sugar and alcohol.
  6. People who are resilient maintain a good network of friends and supporters.  Make time for fun and friendship.
  7. You won’t have all the skills and knowledge yourself to keep your organisation on track, so make sure your team – including your board/management committee – have the skills that you don’t.  Bring in volunteers, advisors, whatever you need to make positive change happen.  Charity Days can put you in touch with people willing to work with you for free, or at a reduced rate.  Local businesses can be a great resource.  Check out Pilot Light.
  8. Build alliances and partnerships: strength and creativity in numbers!
  9. “Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good.”
    Elizabeth Edwards
  10. Continue to visualise yourself and your organisation as successful; focus on what’s working.  Paying too much attention to what’s not, or to the problems, will take up brain energy that you need for getting through the tough times.

And yes, I have to work hard at all this too!  Do contact me if you’d like to join a coaching/support group, or are interested in one to one work, and please do reply with your own tips for staying alive.

Lost in the Drama Triangle

A friend waphotos describing a situation that was causing great distress to someone in her life.  It was a story of two women who had once been very close, but whose relationship had deteriorated to the extent that each was seeking police protection from the other.  As this sorry tale unfolded, I realised that there was something familiar about it.  “Could this be the drama triangle playing out?” I asked.  “Tell me more!” said my friend.

Some of you will be familiar with Stephen Karpman’s concept of the Drama Triangle.  It’s an idea originating in Transactional Analysis, or TA, and I suggest that it’s one of the most potent models available for us to understand the dynamics of encounters, relationships, and what’s going on under the surface when things go wrong.  Not only is it played out with horrible regularity, but it’s embedded in our psyches.  When we’re working with people, whether as coaches or in some other capacity, it’s vital to understand how the Drama Triangle works, to be able to spot it, and to know how to stop it playing out to what can often be a very messy end.

The word drama suggests that there are roles to be filled.  Karpman observed that there were three roles: Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor.  You don’t need more than two players to act out the drama, although there may be a whole cast of characters.  People  move between roles.  You may make your opening speech as a Victim, and wind up as a Persecutor.  That switch between roles is what creates the drama, and the quicker the switches, the more heightened the drama.

Karpman’s first paper on his observations used fairy tales to explain the Drama Triangle.  Here’s what was going on in Hamlyn – a town plagues with rats, you’ll remember, with the Pied Piper:

  • Hamlyn’s people are plagued with rats.  Children are dying of disease.  Mayor calls in rat exterminator in a bid to Rescue the town.
  • Colourfully dressed and musical man breezes into town to Rescue the city and Persecute the rats.
  • Pied piper then becomes Victim as Persecuting mayor cheats him and refuses to pay him his fee.
  • Pied piper switches roles to become Persecutor of the town’s children, leading them towards death.
  • The mayor starts out as a Victim of the rats; then moves into Rescuer of the town; then Persecutor of the pied piper; and the Victim of the pied piper, who kills his children.
  • The children start out as persecuted Victims of the rats; then rescued Victims, and finally Victims persecuted by their Rescuer.[i]

Watch any soap opera and you’ll see multiple Drama Triangles played out.  Notice how the roles switch, and how that creates drama.  Remember how hero Othello, who had been the great general, Rescuer of Cyprus, became Victim to Iago’s thirst for power, but then turned into the ultimate Persecutor when he killed Desdemona.  A bit closer to home, and you’re probably already gaining some insight into your most recent argument with your partner, boss, or mother.  It’s all about power, blame, and taking responsibility.

Here’s a modern day story:

Althea and Brenda meet at a support group for people who are caring for elderly relatives.  Althea’s looking after her frail mother, and Brenda’s there for her father in law, whom she and her husband jointly care for.  They’ve chatted over coffee a few times, and Brenda’s invited Althea for lunch at her house.

A: It’s so nice to get out of the house for a few minutes.  I feel  really trapped most of the time.  And Mum doesn’t appreciate me – she says such awful things.  (Althea’s, Victim Mum’s Persecutor)

B: That’s awful!  You don’t deserve that.  Why don’t I come over and sit with your mum for an afternoon so that you can get out?  (Rescuer)

A: That would be wonderful!  Are you sure?

B: Anything I can do to help. (Rescuer)

Brenda goes to Althea’s house the following Tuesday.  Husband Colin is left looking after Colin’s Dad.  Brenda and Althea’s mum, Ethel, watch Countdown and have  tea and Jaffa Cakes.

E: it’s very kind of you to come, Brenda.  You seem like a very nice person.  To tell you the truth, Althea can be very nasty.  She wouldn’t have given me Jaffa Cakes.  (Victim)

B: That’s awful.  You’re such a sweet person.  Why don’t I come every week? (Rescuer)

Brenda starts to go to Althea’s house on a regular basis.  At first it starts as once a week, and Althea’s delighted to have a break.  Then Brenda makes it twice a week.  Soon she’s dropping in every day, and having tea and a cosy chat with Althea’s mum and bringing her little gifts: a home-made cake, other tasty treats.  Althea’s beginning to feel uncomfortable.  It’s as if Brenda’s taking over her mum.  And all Ethel does is say how lovely Brenda is.  One day Brenda arrives with a cottage pie.  Althea opens the door.

B: Hello Althea!  I’ve brought Ethel a cottage pie. (Rescuer)

A: But I’ve already cooked dinner.  I’ve spent a long time making her favourite . (Victim)

B: But I thought it’d be a help to you – I know you’re always so tired.  And she does love my cottage pie.

E:  Is that Brenda with my cottage pie?

A:  Yes Mum, but I’ve already cooked our dinner.  I’ve done you steak and kidney pudding.  Your favourite. (Rescuer)

E:  Well it was my favourite, but Brenda’s cottage pie is much nicer (Persecutor)

A: Well I’m just about sick of bloody Brenda!  She can take her cottage pie and shove it up her bum! (Persecutor)

Althea takes the dish out of Brenda’s hands and smashes it on the floor.

A: Just get out of my house, Brenda, and stop interfering in my life. (Persecutor)

B: You ungrateful cow!  After all I’ve done for you!  Wait until I tell Colin. (Victim)

Brenda storms off home and tells Colin all about it.

B:….and then she smashed my dish!  You need to go round there and sort her out. (Victim)

C: No Brenda, I’m not getting involved.  To be honest, I could do with some help from you with looking after Dad.  I’m sorry you’re upset, but you’ll just have to sort it out yourself.  (Adult, not playing)

Colin could have responded differently and the game could have got more explosive:

C: Right!  I’ll go round there and show her what’s what! (Rescuer of B, Persecutor of A)

Or he could have said:

C: But what about me?  I’m stuck here day after day while you go and do your good deeds.  I haven’t had a day off to play golf for weeks!  And where’s my dinner?? (Victim)

Luckily, he responded as an adult, and took the heat out by refusing to play the game.

The story could end in a number of ways.  Brenda could go into full blown Persecutor and complain to Social Services that Althea was abusing her mother.  Or they could avoid each other and decide not to speak.  Each will perceive the other as their Persecutor, and each will feel that they’re the Victim.  Everybody loses.  Althea’s mum loses a new friend, Althea and Brenda both lose friends and support, Colin finds the tension at home very trying. They could, of course, decide to apologise for speaking out of turn and being insensitive about boundaries, and they could negotiate a new way of being.  That would require them to engage their Adult selves, as Colin did in refusing to play the game.

As I thought about writing this blog, I reflected upon times in my own life when I’ve got caught up in the Drama Triangle.  It’s affected close relationships, friendships, and family dynamics.  We learn to play the game very early on in our lives.  We observe it in our families.  We learn that playing the Victim gets us attention and gives us power once we’ve found a willing Rescuer.  We learn that in order to stay safe in our families we need to adopt a Rescuer role with Mum or Dad.  We learn that being the one that takes care of everyone gives us a certain amount of power – until they all turn on us and we become the Victim!  And in families where there is addiction such as alcoholism, the Drama Triangle is clearly in evidence.  Awareness of how it works – and how to stop it – and the roles individuals tend to play can help to break a cycle of dependency and abuse.

I have seen how the Drama Triangle gets played out in dysfunctional work situations.  Have you been part of an organisation where there’s a gulf between management and frontline staff?  Where “they” always feel persecuted by “them”?  Where you’re either a goodie or a baddie or the person who gets brought in to sort it all out?  Where there’s conflict, it’s always worth looking to see if the Drama Triangle is in play.  And the only way to stop it is to not play.  That means taking personal responsibility for your feelings and your actions, and we don’t always find that easy.

Others have written very eloquently about the Drama Triangle, and it’s worth reading on a bit more.  Here’s a very succinct and clear account:  http://www.tobilytle.com/drama.html  and there’s a very good description here: http://coachingsupervisionacademy.com/thought-leadership/the-karpman-drama-triangle/ .  Relationships are explored here: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fixing-families/201106/the-relationship-triangle .

I’d love to know your thoughts!  And if this chimes for you, please pass on to others.


[i] Karpman, S. (1968). Fairy tales and script drama analysis. Transactional Analysis Bulletin, 7(26), 39-43

Taking care in tough times

P1040697As you’ll know, if you’ve been following my online activity, I work both as a CEO of a medium sized charity, and as a coach.  Oh, and I write books, too.  Working as a CEO and also coaching others, as well as having been, until recently, a charity trustee, gives me a very particular view on issues facing leaders in the third sector.  These are really, really difficult times.  The results of a poll carried out by NCVO of charity leaders, published in January, indicated that charities were having to deal with declining income, whilst meeting increased demand.  Paul Ashton, CEO of Prospects, is quoted as saying:

“Our sector can’t expect to be immune from the economic challenges but further reductions in contract income will be devastating to an already hard-pressed and dedicated workforce. Local charities often provide a lifeline for individuals and families and there is a danger that many effective organisations will be forced to close, leaving the public sector to pick up the pieces.”

And of course we all know that the way things are going, there soon won’t be much public sector at all to even acknowledge the pieces, let alone pick them up.  And for the director or CEO leading their organisation, the challenges are enormous.  We have to balance the books, which increasingly means closing down services and making people redundant.  Increasingly, we have to adapt to a market economy, often bidding for work against colleagues in the sector.  We’re advocates for our service users, so we’re often having to protest to the people who have the power to fund us, or not.  As the health and social care environment goes through a revolution that is by no means bloodless, we have to understand new bureaucracies, build new relationships, prepare to meet a different set of customer needs.  And we need to provide excellent leadership for teams of people who, in many cases, are seeing their incomes fall as wages stay static and the cost of living soars, and who are on the front line, dealing with increasing need with fewer resources.

So if you’re a CEO, ask yourself this: is your board of trustees, or your management committee, a help or a hindrance in all this?  As a CEO, are you drawing on the strengths of your board?  Are you making sure that they’re as informed as they need to be about the aspects of organisation that affect them?  And if you’re a trustee, ask yourself this: what have I done this week to support the CEO of my organisation?  Am I doing things that are less than helpful?

There’s never been a time when working together in a spirit of trust and co-operation has been more important.  In order to function with clarity, and to the best of their ability, the CEO needs to know that she or he has the support of their board; and that challenges from trustees will be constructive and relevant to what’s going on now; and that board members will put at the organisation’s disposal their skills and energy, their buy-in to their particular cause.

They say that being a CEO is a lonely job, and you certainly know about it when you’re having to make difficult and unpopular decisions.  Many of us blame ourselves when things go wrong, even if the logic is flawed.  We worry that we’re not doing enough, we’re not good enough.  We fear failing, because the implications don’t just affect us, they affect our staff and our service users and heaven knows who else.  However good the board is, most CEOs will benefit from coaching, mentoring, or non-managerial supervision from someone outside the organisation who’s a skilled facilitator/consultant and has no vested interest in the charity.  Not only does it help to have a sounding board – and someone who can hold the mirror up to you – but taking time with someone outside the office gives you space and time to reflect, to take stock, to creatively problem-solve, to take a reality check, and to explore different options for tough situations.  You can let off steam and know that you won’t be putting your job on the line by doing so.  I’d urge boards of trustees to recognise that even if it means spending some money, your CEO is likely to do a far better job – and preserve their sanity – if they have someone outside the organisation with whom to work on a regular basis.  With my CEO hat on, this has been my own experience – and I also have a board of skilled and supportive trustees.

I was talking to the CEO of a small organisation a few weeks ago.  She’d been having some external non-managerial supervision, which she’d told me had been very helpful.  I asked her how it was going.  “The board haven’t agreed to fund it,” she said.  “I’ve had to stop.  Sorry, I’ve got to dash – it’s just crazy at the moment.”  This surely is not the way to get the best from someone who happens to be immensely skilled and impressive, but who looked to be heading towards exhaustion.

There’s a challenge here for coaches, mentors, and consultants too, especially for those of us who who want to contribute to making a difference through support of third sector leaders.  How do we make high quality coaching and mentoring available at a price that charities and social enterprises can afford?  It’s a tough one: our costs are high if we keep up our CPD, are members of an association, have coaching ourselves, and avail ourselves of supervision.  We have a living to make, after all.  What helps?  Consider having different fee levels depending on the turnover of the charity – you can check out their financial status on the Charity Commission website.  Is running a group an option for some people?  Do you offer different packages, depending on the client’s needs?  Do you give a certain number of freebies, or heavily discounted sessions each year?

It’s the start of a new week.  What changes will you make as a result of reading this?

Reflections on leadership…

P1040697Last Wednesday I stepped down as a trustee of Asylum Aid.  I’d been on the board for 8 years, had acted as its vice chair, and even spent a year in the role of acting Chair, and it felt like a good time to have a break.  My decision was helped by the fact that we’d got some skilled and enthusiastic newcomers on the board: I’d be leaving it in very capable hands.  But I shall carry on being a strong supporter of this extraordinary organisation which achieves so much for some of the most vulnerable people in our society.  Maurice Wren, Asylum Aid’s Director, will also be moving on next month, and so this blog, in reflecting on the qualities that make Asylum Aid so special, is also a tribute to him, and to a particular kind of leadership.  It is also a tribute to Enver Solomon, who has ably chaired the Board of Trustees for the past 8 years.  I want to try to capture some of the qualities of this organisation and share them with my readers, because I think there are clear lessons here for other charity leaders.  I’ve certainly watched and tried to learn during my happy association with Asylum Aid

Asylum Aid is an organisation that’s been successful on a number of fronts.  They’ve influenced the law, nationally, and also at European and international levels, particularly in relation to gender, highlighting the specific experiences and barriers of women who need to flee their countries of origin.  They have an extremely successful track record in terms of their legal representation, thanks to a team that is passionate about their work.  Funders want to support them: in my time, two particular donations stand out, both entirely unsolicited: the first for £25,000, and the most recent for £250,000.  Yes, that’s right.  Someone gave AA a quarter of a million pounds, and we don’t know who was behind the donation, and certainly didn’t ask for it.  So what’s Asylum Aid’s secret?  Well, from where I’m standing, I’d say that right at the top of the list is the integrity of its leadership.  With Maurice and Enver, you know what you’re getting.  They’re both absolutely committed to the cause.  They tell it how it is, even when things aren’t going so well.  They don’t let their egos get in the way of the job.  There’s a humility about Maurice that is truly impressive: he’s not self-deprecating, it’s just that the work is about justice and human rights and supporting people escaping the worst of circumstances.  It’s not about him.  Debora Singer, who has led the Women’s Project since 2000, and whose work has saved countless lives, is also modest about her work and her contribution.  I’m glad to say that it’s been recognised in that she’s been awarded an MBE; but again, with Debora, it’s all about the work, it’s not about her.

And I think that this sense of humility informs the way that Asylum Aid interacts with others.  All donors are thanked, as Maurice explained at the AGM last week.  It doesn’t matter how large or small the donation, everyone who contributes to Asylum Aid’s funds receives a personal and heartfelt thank you.  There’s an openess in the relationship with funders, and that builds confidence.  I do believe that this respect of and for donors and supporters has led to the generous and unsolicited gifts referred to above.

This core value of respect and acknowledgement informs how the board is run.  Every board member is welcomed for their specific skills.  I remember early on in my time, Enver encouraging people who didn’t feel confident in finance matters to join the finance sub-committee, because it would be a good way of learning about charity finance and building up skills.  Everyone’s view was equally valid, and I’m proud to have been part of a functional board which has not been riven by infighting or politics.

There are many qualities that make for a successful organisation.  In Asylum Aid’s case, the two key qualities of integrity and passion, mixed in with a very high level of skill and proficiency, make it an organisation to be reckoned with.  I’m not a trustee any more, but I’m proud to call myself a supporter.  And I hope that this reflection has given you food for thought, particularly if you’re leading an organisation.